My dream of a water birth came to a shattering end on June 1st. That's the day my midwife decided she no longer could deliver my baby and I was to figure out what I would do in order to safely deliver my child.
I was 42 weeks pregnant, scared, and confused. I felt as though my body had failed me and now my midwife gave up on me too. I wasn't ready to give up and now I had to figure out what I needed to do next. Well on June 1st I went to bed thinking "What if I go into labor tonight?" ---- Yes, with my luck, I went into labor that very night. ''
I woke up several times thinking that I was just stressing over the situation. When I woke up at 2a.m, I decided that the following morning Kevin and I should simply suck it up and go to the hospital to request a c-section. I figured that maybe our midwife skimping out on us was a sign from the heavens asking us to just give it up. I went back to bed feeling defeated but at ease with this decision. Well, I was up again at 3a.m. and again at 4a.m. I was beginning to think that I was really just OVER stressing and that I needed to calm down. By 4:30 I realized there was another reason for my distress... I was in full active labor. My contractions were about 2 minutes apart by 5a.m. and I was freaking out. I was in great pain and I woke up Kevin in a panic. What do we do? Who do we call? Where do we go? Ahhhhh! It's truly amazing how much information flies out the window when you're in a panic.
Kevin insisted I get into a warm bath while he called my sisters and asked me to stay calm. He called the midwife and she was still standing her ground stating she would not deliver the baby but said she could check me out if I wanted to come by the birthing center. I was so frustrated by this that I asked Kevin to simply tell her we would just head for the hospital. My contractions were intense and I was trying my best to breathe through them and stay calm. Kevin was confident that we could labor at home as long as possible in order to avoid the c-section but I was scared that maybe something could be wrong and there was no way to know this without a caregiver checking the baby's heart rate etc. I must have lasted a couple of hours before my sisters showed up and we decided to head to hospital. My mommy instincts just kept telling me to go...
On our way to the hospital I sent a text to a friend (who happens to work in the nursery at this hospital) and let her know what was happening. Thank goodness she was scheduled to work that day... I was in pain and terrified to be in labor and with no provider. Kevin drove as quick as he could, and I felt every bump! Ugh, that was not a fun car ride! My mother was in the back seat with me, holding my hand and praying... my sister was in the passenger side providing all the support she could. I came into the ER and got called in right away. I was hooked up to a heart monitor to check our baby boy and I then noticed that his heart rate was dipping with every contraction. Talk about scary, I felt like a total failure... how could I put my child through this? How come I didn't head to the hospital sooner? Ahhh! The guilt and the pain were overwhelming. Despite the guilt, the pain, and the overwhelming feeling of failure... I did manage to feel good about our decision to be there when we got there. I knew that the doctors would take over and I prayed that it wasn't too late to help my dear baby boy.
The morning slipped away from me in a big blur. Before I knew it, I was in the labor and delivery floor, I was being prepped for surgery, and I was being asked all sorts of questions that I could barely answer through the ripping pain. I was wheeled into the O.R. I was asked to sit up and the anesthesia started kicking in... my tears rolled down the side of my face and the doctor rushed in to work his magic. A nurse caressed my face and said everything would be ok and then, I heard my baby Bentley cry for the first time. He was covered in meconium and had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck three times. I cried some more... my baby had been in danger and I was praying that he would be alright. Luckily, we got the hospital in time and he was okay. He didn't aspirate any meconium and he was perfectly healthy. Three days later we left the hospital, I was sore and recovering from the drama both physically and mentally. My baby was healthy and in my arms.
So overall, I had a terrible scare... I went through a lot of pain and confusion... I was glad to be in a hospital with helpful doctors and nurses... I was thrilled to finally hold my healthy baby boy. My birth plan was a complete failure but my life plan didn't let me down at all. My body is now healing and so is my heart and soul. I had a rough first few days but I'm at peace now knowing that my little Bentley is healthy and strong. I couldn't be happier to be where I am today. I'm glad everything turned out okay! So to anyone reading this, I hope you find peace in knowing that sometimes in life we don't always have things go our way... but that's what makes it an interesting ride. We are surrounded by miracles everyday, we simply have to chose to open our eyes and see them. If you are facing a failure or an accomplishment of your own, embrace it... it's part of what makes us stronger and ready to face another day.
~Norm
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