42 Weeks Pregnant

So at this point you could say that most women start to panic. "Will my baby ever come?" "Maybe my dates are wrong?" "What's wrong with me?" "Seriously mother nature, this isn't funny." "Will my son grow facial hair prior to his birth?" hahaha... Yes, I know it's highly unlikely. It was the joke running within the family though. Everyone is anxious to meet this little guy.

My 42 week appointment with my midwife was a heart breaking one. Although I really want this baby out, I also believe that mother nature and God are on my side. I believe that baby's due dates can be miscalculated. I believe that the baby can't be in there forever and that he will come when he is good and ready. I'm not ready to give up so long as baby is healthy and I am too. My VBAC journey can't possible end with anyone giving up right?!?!  WRONG... my midwife didn't give me her vote of confidence. This morning she has officially told me she wishes that I stop my journey today and deliver at a hospital. She doesn't believe my body will go into labor... she doesn't believe in me. :\

My midwife and I had a good talk. We went through all the pros and cons at this point. I stood up for what I believe in and I used my knowledge in this whole process to back up the fact that I want to give this another few days. My body has been in early labor now for 3 1/2 days. I've had consistent contractions as close as 10 minutes apart as my body prepares for active labor. I feel that giving up now is like saying, "I quit." I refuse to quit without a good reason. I reminded her that when I first interviewed her, this was one of the important items on my list. I guess I knew my body would take long because I recall asking her how long we could wait after my due date. She stated that after 42 weeks we run risks and she would like an ultrasound performed every other day if we passed the 42 week mark. Well we are here, I am willing, and now she is rethinking her original offer. Ugh... I have to stop and think that things happen for a reason and that there's a reason I'm now dealing with a provider who is at the verge of giving up. Since this appointment is on a Friday, I asked if we could please wait until Monday to transfer to a hospital. She didn't seem convinced but finally she agreed.

Later Friday afternoon, I get a phone call from my midwife stating she would like to have me come back to the birthing center to sign a letter... She quits. She quit being my provider and now I'm faced with being 42 weeks pregnant, and attempting a VBAC in a part of Texas where no doctor will take me on as a VBAC patient. If I walk into a hospital in labor today, they will slice me up yet again. I'm devastated, heartbroken, and utterly confused as to how I got to be here. How everything was flowing smoothly and all of a sudden it halts. My visions of holding my son post delivery are shattered. The cold image of a surgical table and someone ripping my son from my womb now enter my head and my eyes tear up. The thought of giving birth yet again and not being able to hold my son, rips my heart to pieces.

So here I am, 42 weeks pregnant... I haven't given up but my supportive midwife has. What's next? My birth story is next. Who, what, when, where, how... that will be the interesting part.

-Norm