41 Weeks 3 Days Pregnant... and frustrated!

  So recently I posted that I was 41 weeks according to my original due date. Turns out that my original due date was off by about a week... >.<  My midwife sent me in for an ultrasound and we have learned that my actual due date should have been May 18th. With that said, I'm now 41 weeks and 3 days pregnant and growing increasingly frustrated lol. My belly is so tight and firm as it keeps expanding. It's very uncomfortable to get up to visit the toilet 3-4 times a night. I have had annoying contractions for over 3 wks now with no signs of actual labor just yet. My cell goes off daily with questions about whether baby is here yet or not. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all to tell you the truth.

  I've kept busy... I'm not always focused on "when will the time come?" I have tried every "natural" method to get labor going. Daily walks, raspberry leaf, evening primrose oil, sex sex and more sex, hot baths, hot showers, stair climbing, lunges, pelvic tilts are part of the nightly routine, squats, eating pineapple, acupuncture...

 you name it, I've tried it. The truth is, I have known through all of these attempts that I simply wouldn't miraculously go into labor until baby is ready but I held on to a twinge of hope through them all. I am trying so hard to keep my patience as I wake up everyday with no real signs of labor but I can't help thinking of the "what ifs." What if baby doesn't want to come out? What if I get to my 42 week mark and I have to resort to a repeat c-section? What if I'm jeopardizing the health of my baby in order to achieve a natural labor? What if I disappoint everyone who has traveled this month just to come and see this little munchkin? What if my body simply isn't made to birth babies? I hate thinking the last one but I can't help and feel a little like a failure.

  Any OBGYN would have sliced me open by now. I interviewed a ton of OBs in the area and all of them kept giving me a deadline of 39 weeks in order to deliver my baby vbac. I knew my baby could be late since technically this would be my first attempt at natural labor, but I never realized I'd be here today writing about how late and how increasingly frustrated I've become. I feel so much pressure to get this labor started to at least attempt the vaginal birth at this point. I've tried to keep a level and peaceful way of thinking through this pregnancy and I'm simply running out of positiveness. I know some babies wait till the actual 42 wk mark and others surpass it. I know that dates could be off as well. I know baby will come when he's good and ready. I know mother nature and God have a plan. I also know that legally, my midwife can only do so much. This is that part that kills me. Come Friday, we face the decision... Do we keep waiting? Do we sign waivers and let nature run it's course? Do we simply throw in the towel and head to the hospital for a c-section? Ugh... the thought of the latter just turns my stomach.

  My ultimate goal is a healthy baby and I will do whatever it takes to hold him in my arms... I just hate to think that I'll be confined to my recovery for 6-8 weeks due to major surgery again. I hate the thought of not holding my baby right away. I hate the thought of delivery in a sterile hospital OR. I'll just have to think positive some more... pull my strength from somewhere deep within myself... and keep moving forward. Whatever happens, I trust, will be what is meant to be. Maybe this attempt at a natural birth will fail, maybe it will not... but I can say that we did everything in our power to try this method. I'm feeling very lost within myself today but I will try to pull myself together for the sake of this pregnancy... I have to keep pushing ahead... I have to keep working toward my goal... We haven't reached that finish line just yet and I should at least hang on until then. Whatever will be will be... I'll have to drown myself in prayer from now until Friday and simply hope for the best. The best for baby that is...

-Norm