One year later...

A year ago today our entire family changed. We were faced with news that we could never have imagined we'd ever hear. We came face to face with loss and our hearts ached. We are not the same since since. 

I have my gorgeous cousin and her beautiful son fresh in my memory. They lived in Mexico just about 6 hours south of the Texas/Mexico border in a town named Tampico. She was like my 4th sister. I grew up so close to her and her family because my mom is very close to my aunt. It was always a happy place to be. We played as children, laughed, and passed the days as little girls together. For a long time, we had distance as a barrier and we didn't see each other. Despite those long years, she always wrote and sent pictures. I always felt like she wasn't really that far away. 

I remember the day we reunited after so many years. She was a brand new mom to her little bundle, Oscar. I remember looking at her holding this tiny baby and thinking that I wish I had been by her side the entire pregnancy and birth. We picked up right where we left off. We came right back to loving each other's company and sharing laughs and sorrows together. Months later, I had my first son and the boys were just under a year apart. We shared birthday parties, ice cream dates, and parenting advice every time we reunited. I always admired her youth (she loved to dance the night away), her dedication to her son, and her hard working demeanor. She was a single momma and quite the package for any lucky guy to snag. 

My heart now has a burning spot which will never really heal. Every time I think of how young she and Oscar were the day their tragic accident occurred, my heart breaks. I know they must be rejoicing in a peaceful afterlife but my selfish heart wishes they were here for one more hug. I wish I had one more opportunity to tell them how much I love them. 

Life is never guaranteed. I know this, I've always known this. It's so hard to accept when your loved ones are ripped away from you in an instant though. I felt so much anger just one year ago. I still feel the pain even though I have come to accept that they are not longer here. I still randomly think of them and can't hold back the tears in random places. I know time will make this feel less painful but frankly, I can't really believe that quite yet. I don't know when these tears will stop because they were a big piece of my heart. I can't imagine how that pain would change over time but I suppose time will tell. 

Today, hold your loved ones tighter, make that call you've been setting aside, send that text, say I love you. You never know what tomorrow will bring so take that moment now while you are fully able to express your love for those who mean something to you. 

~Norm